Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
