its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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