I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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