I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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