There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
