im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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