I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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