so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
