Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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