i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
