Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
