I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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