2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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