hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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