if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
