I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
