Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
