he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
