He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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