Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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