cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
