Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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