We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
