Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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