Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
