I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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