Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
