I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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