did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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