last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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