You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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