I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Never underestimate the power of titties
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
