I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
