mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
