do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
