I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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