You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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