u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
