I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
