The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
