Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
