I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
