Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
