dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
