you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
