i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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