so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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