and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
