Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need a beard to bite.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
