I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
