He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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