I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
