jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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