So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
