he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
