Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
