This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
