grandma shit on top of the toilet
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
