Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
