New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize