hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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