i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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