I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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