I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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