There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
