apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Green mimosas i think yes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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