note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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